Editorial Nineteen: Bo
Peep Saga Pt. II
When last we left our intrepid hero he was attempting to harvest
a Jedi-style Vandyke. After nine
months of rigorous growth: Mission Accomplished. The end result
has turned out to be a very mysterious affair, this enigma upon
my chin.
Downsides
to Goat Ownership:
- Several unsightly, uh, patchy areas, the fault of
lighter flesh-tone hair colors.
- Divot beneath nose hasn't grown quite as full as we
had hoped, eliminating possibility of future
Magnum-style 'stash.
- Has yet to bestow upon me any Jedi powers.
- Doesn't appear when photographed (possible
vampirical qualities)
- Becomes itchy when left untrimmed.
- Unable to keep both sides even (due in part to
previously un-noticed inconsistencies in jawbone
symmetry).
Upsides to Goat Ownership:
- Holds water after a shower (not really an upside,
just an odd sensation. Neato). |
"Chris," You ask,
"with all these wretched negatives and no real positives to
speak of, why keep this scabrous object of unending
torment?"
Therein lies the frightening powers of an Evil Goatee, my
friend! Can't think of a reason not to shave the vile thing off,
and yet I can... not... bring... self... to... do... the...
deed. Weak? Yes. Spineless? Sure. Dumb? Definitely.
Take heed these words, young Jedi-goat wanna-haves. It ain't all
babes and mind-tricks.
I am enslaved
|
