The most telling aspect of Kevin's character was the fact that he used to shoplift Star Wars figures from Vans Department store in downtown Milan. I was with him once when he pilfered a new C-3PO. I remember, as he pulled the golden prize out of his pants, being horrified that he was able to commit such a heinous crime. Why it didn't occur to me then that if Kevin was stealing from Vans he was probably looting my collection as well, I'll never know. I guess I was thick back then too.

Young Mr. Castle was already under suspicion for being the new owner of my missing wampa when we were playing in front of my house with another older kid from the 'hood (who's name escapes me - he had a pool and HBO though). This seemingly uneventful summer afternoon turned out to be the day I finally caught Kev red-handed attempting to purloin my stuff. I actually didn't catch him, the kid with HBO did, asking him point-blank why Chris' ugnaught was in his shirt pocket. Kevin took it out, stared at it for a moment, and without another word he lit off down the street for his house (hijacked ugnaught in hand).

The older kid, no doubt hoping to instigate a fight, screamed at me to get it back ("S'yours, ain't it?! Are you gonna let him have it?!") Without really considering what I was gonna do when I finally caught up with Kevin (even at ten I was a lover, not a fighter, baby) I took off down the block. As I closed in on the Thief he leapt onto his cement-block porch and burst into the house, screen door slamming shut behind him. I vaulted onto the porch after him and as I did so he charged back out of the house and pushed me down onto his front yard (which was especially vile, considering this was where the Castle family chained up their weener dog). I landed hard, stood up and frantically inspected myself for dog "business" (as Grandma G. called it). Now Kevin's Dad came out onto the porch demanding to know what the hell all the noise about (and, more importantly, what was keeping him from TV). Kev turned on the tears and began sobbing about how "Chris was trying to steal my guy and it was really mine, he was trying to steal it, you bought it for me remember? *sob* Remember?" It was sickening.

Castle Senior told Kevin to shut-up and told me not to come around any more. The End.

Where was the justice, you ask? You didn't just back down, did you Chris? You didn't just head home whimpering and feeling sorry for yourself, did you? That guy with HBO wasn't standing in your front yard laughing as you went by, was he? Heck no, man! I tore open my lightsaber and cut Kev and his old man down where they stood (prying my ugnaught from his cold, dead fingers). Ha! Sweeet victory! Not exactly how Han Solo would have handled the situation, but when it comes to the Revenge Fantasy it is easier to imagine firing up a hidden lightsaber than pulling an 8-foot tall wookiee outta yer pants.

Actually I did begin to head home whimpering, but HBO had alerted my Dad, who met me half way, wanting to know what was going on. I suspect Kevin's pappy intimidated my Dad as much as he did me, because Dad just said everything would be cool and that we'd pick up another "aug-nut" next time we went to the store (obviously clueless as to what an ugnaught was, I was crying too hard at this point to pull myself together enough to explain). I think maybe I was hoping Dad would march over and break his foot off in Mr. Castle's arse. Ah well. I suppose he figured a two and a half dollar piece of plastic wasn't worth engaging in fisticuffs with a neighbor who would probably bloody his nose.

Note to Kevin Castle:
If, by some amazing turn of events, you are reading this page (from a crappy computer in a prison library, I hope), you own me a wampa and an ugnaught, pal. Pony up.

UPDATE!
I recently spoke with my younger brother about this "incident" and he remembers a few additional details (I don't even remember him being there): he recalls, right after HBO (real name: Jon Aughton) accused him of stealing, Kevin holding me in a headlock and kneeing me about the chest and face (bloody nose), at which point I ran crying into my house. This is when Kevin took off running. I figure I must have came right back out when I saw him leave and gave chase. Strange. You'd think I'd remember having my nose bloodied - I did remember the figure being an ugnaught (putting Star Wars ahead of pain, as any true fan would) though.